May the name of The LORD be praised

   As someone who plans on devoting her life to serving children with disabilities, I am strong believer that there are certain people put on this earth simply to care for others. Valerie Malone Marshall is one of those people. I count my self lucky, because growing up I not only had a mother looking out for me and loving me, but I also had a Nanny. It feels almost silly to assign such a title to Valerie, because she was so much more to me than a nanny— she was and still is today family. Valerie began taking care of me when I was only a few months old, and continued to help take care of my little brother and myself throughout different stages of our lives. Whether it was through girls lunches, family dinners, or even the occasion sleepover- even when Valerie was not technically working as a caregiver to me, she always remained an active role model in my life. 

We all know the old adage that one day we will open our mouths and hear our mothers speaking. Well, I will never forget the day that I opened my mouth and Valerie came out. I developed a love for working with children at a very young age, and I contribute this to Valerie. It was her devotion, sincere love, and compassion that inspired me to try to be an influence in other children’s lives like she was in mine. Even to this day when I  am speaking to my students, I catch myself sounding like Valerie. 

Throughout all of our years and memories together, one of my favorites would have to be the night that I was staying with Valerie about 3 years ago. It is so special, because that night she told me that she had started talking to a man name Jason and she truly believed that he could be THE ONE. It was not long after, that I found myself meeting Valerie for her to introduce me to Jason. To my surprise it was that same day that they both announced to me that they were engaged. Their love story is one unlike any other, and their love for each other is truly inspiring. I cannot think of two more deserving people to be able to start a family of their own. 

Since the day Valerie and Jason got married, I have been anxiously waiting for the day that Valerie would call me and tell me that she was pregnant. I will never forget the night that I got that very call. It just happened to be the night before I was leaving for my summer in Africa. I don't think I have ever been so excited about a phone call. I can remember just sitting on the front porch steps crying and praising Jesus with Valerie on the phone. But The Lord giveth and The Lord taketh away, and while I can’t for one second begin to explain why, Jesus decided that Baby was to come home to His kingdom before coming to this Earth. Coming from a family who has experienced the immense pain of a miscarriage, when I heard from Valerie that their baby had gone to be with the Lord my heart felt what I know to be only a fraction of their pain instantly. But as Job said, “May the name of the Lord be praised”, and despite this loss Jason and Valerie stayed fervent in prayer and in faith that the Lord would bless them with a family. 

After two years of trying to expand their family through birth, Jason and Valerie have decided to pursue the road of Adoption. Anyone who knows me must know how excited I was for them when they told me, and how anxious I was to help them in any way as they began this new journey. Anyone who spends any amount of time around Jason and Valerie will be able to see not only their love and devotion for each other, but also for The Lord. And now I hope that through this little testament you will also come to believe, just as I do, that any child would be blessed beyond compare to be able to call these two their parents.

For many months now we have all been praying and anxiously waiting to see what child the Lord would bring their way, and just over a week ago Jason and Valerie found out that they have been matched with a birth mother!! The baby is due at the end of February, and they have until then to raise just over $40,000. While Valerie would never say this herself because she is one of the most humble, godly, and loving woman I have ever known— I will say it for her because I have seen it first hand. Valerie deserves this baby and this family, but she and Jason need help to bring him/her home. Valerie’s heart is so so big, and she has spent her life showering children with love like they were her own. I believe with all my heart however that it is now Valerie's turn to have a child that calls her mom.

   I have said it before and I will say it again, I cannot think of two more deserving people than Jason and Valerie to finally be able to start a family of their own. I count myself truly blessed for being able to witness what the Lord’s perfect plan has been for both Jason and Valerie’s lives. While 40,000 is no small task, we believe that ALL THINGS are possible through Christ. And while Valerie and Jason have applied for (and been awarded with a few) grants, the money just is not there yet. With this adoption they are required to pay all of the money upfront in order to receive the baby, and they still have a lot of money left to raise. So that is why I am asking that if you feel so led, please help this couple bring their baby home. They have a fundraising website that you can donate to, and I will post the link at the bottom of this post. The generosity of so many people and the faithfulness of The Lord has already been so evident, and I have no doubt in my mind that it will continue. I know that this has been Jesus perfect plan for Valerie’s life all along, and I have no doubt that through him this baby will be given two of the most loving and deserving parents in this world. I also ask that you please shower Valerie, Jason, the baby, and the birth momma in prayer. While we are so thankful for this baby and for Valerie and Jason— we are still aware that with the joy of adoption comes the reality that a momma is selflessly giving up her baby. Jesus is so good, and I know he is at work here. Please pray about it, and if you feel so led please help bring Baby Marshall home. 

Much love, 

Katie 

Fundraising Website: 

https://mystory.lifesongfororphans.org/stories/marshalls-matched-please-help-us-bring-baby-home/

Psalm 73:21-26

Today I completed my first semester of sophomore year at The University of Tennessee. The past three weeks have been an absolute chaotic storm of Christmas parties, work, and of course every college student's favorite week of the semester... finals. Among the stress and the craziness one thing has constantly been on my mind red dirt. Anyone who knows me knows exactly what red dirt I am talking about -- the red dirt roads of Uganda. I won't lie, the past five months since I returned from my month long mission on the other side of the world has been far from easy. I rarely talk about it, because I just haven't been ready to. It almost seems too personal to talk about with anyone. My time in Uganda was beautiful and extremely challenging and it had its high points and its low points. There were moments during my time there when I swore I would never come back, and there were others when the thought of being back in America made me sick.

The roller coaster ride that was those five weeks in Uganda were very different than I had planned on them being... key word there being I. I expected my trip to be just like my first, very busy always on the run always meeting new people always having something to do always having my mind on Jesus and doing whatever I could to shine His light in the small time I had there. To my surprise though, this second time in Uganda was nothing like the first and nothing like anything I have ever experienced in my life. While it was very busy and I did do a lot of new things and I met a lot of knew people and my mind was constantly being pushed towards Jesus, at the same time it was very quiet. It was very still. And things got very personal between me and the Big Guy upstairs, and not always in the most desirable ways. I was put face to face with many of my weaknesses and I was shown how worthless my life truly is when I choose to spend it apart from Christ. I am still not very clear on what exactly Jesus was doing to my heart for those five weeks, I still think about them and wonder about them everyday. But what I have found, is the longer I am away the more I ache to learn more, the more I ache to be in that stillness with my savior again, the more I ache to be stripped clean of the ways of this world I am engulfed in. Even while sitting here I hear my God whispering in my ear, I feel his presence in the room, and I am in awe. Unless you have spent time in a third world country it is hard to explain, but anyone who has knows exactly what I am talking about. It hurts my heart to say that these moments, like the ones I am having right now, undisrupted and focused solely on Jesus, are few are far between for me here. But in Uganda it is just so much easier. Not to say that I can only follow Jesus and learn more about him on the other side of the world, but to say that while I was there, the things that He revealed to me were unlike anything I had ever been shown here.

I sat down to tell you a story about one of my best days during my time in Uganda, and now I find myself telling you all about some of my hardest and I am not exactly sure why. Like I said, it has been hard to talk about. To many of you I am sure these past however many words you have read will just seem like a bunch of rambling that make no sense, but it is my hope that to others these words will relate you to your own -- your own confusion, hurt, and hunger to be closer to the God that understands it all --- just like my own.
 I have said this many times before and I will say it again, I am an ugly ugly sinner and I am so unfit to share the words of Jesus, but yet everyday I wake up and I see the little brown faces in the photos around my room and they remind me. They remind me of the love I have been so preciously given as a gift, not because I deserve them nor because I have earned them, but because I have chosen to accept them. I have chosen to accept the fact that I don't understand, and I probably never will truly understand, but I will spend my life trying to fill this hunger for the Lord and whatever crazy  roller coasters He chooses to send me on -- whether they may be here or on the other side of the world.


"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73: 21-26

XO,

Katie 

A Little Bit of Faith

Today has been a hard day. I can’t quite explain why, but this morning I woke up with the strongest longing. No matter what I do I can’t get one little face out of my mind… Faith. Anyone who has talked to me since I have gotten home from Uganda, or anyone who has even glanced at my Instagram, knows Faith already. She quickly captured my heart during my five weeks in Africa, and still hasn’t let go. I can close my eyes now and still see the way her eyes would light up when she would see me first thing in the morning. I can picture her starting to running towards me with her arms spread wide, yelling “Auntie Kate” while jumping into my arms. I can hear her say “Auntie Kate you see” as she would jump from the side of the sand box and land flat into the the sand. I can see her smile as I would push her on the swing and then threaten to tickle her belly as she giggled uncontrollably. I can still hear her whisper “Auntie Kate loves me” before she would leave to go home at the end of each day. 

As I sit here and remember Faithy I am reminded of my relationship with Jesus. Here is a little secret...Faith wasn’t always my best friend at the James Place. While I fell in love with her at first sight, her affection for me took some time. You see, Faith reminds me of myself in so many ways. She is so stubborn and so determined to do things her on way, she is slow to trust, and is about as spoiled as a little girl can be. Like Faith, when it comes to my relationship with Jesus, I am so stubborn. At times it so hard for me to be patient. I know that everything is good and perfect in his own timing but I so often just want to do things in my own time and in my own way. I too am slow to trust the Lord more often than not. I constantly have to be reminded that even if I can’t see it now, He has a plan and He loves me. And I too am about as spoiled as a girl can be. Jesus has blessed me with a life far greater than I ever could deserve, and I take that for granted way too often. It is when I think about this love that I have for Faithy that I truly am reminded of the relentless love that Jesus has for me. 

Since I have left Uganda there have been many good days, and many bad days. I haven’t been quite able to talk about much of my time there yet. But my feet aren’t stained red from the dirt anymore, I no longer have bug bites covering my ankles, and I am finally beginning to realize… I am not in Africa anymore. As hard as some days have been, it’s the memories like these ones I have shared with you about Faithy that make each day a little bit better. It may take some time, but I can’t wait to share even more of these memories with the people who allowed me to experience them. 

XOXO,
Katie 

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Jesus is not an American

 

Wednesday June  10, 2015

Jesus is not an American… okay I know what an obvious statement right? But today as I sat under a tree in a slum in Uganda while listening to women who have seen more heart ache than I could ever imagine praise Jesus with every ounce of their being, that simple fact  hit me smack dab in the middle of the face. Growing up in America I have been extremely blessed to be surrounded by Jesus my entire life. I wake up every Sunday morning and put on a nice pretty church dress and drive to my nice big fancy church building and act just the right way and sing just the right songs and pay attention to the perfectly timed sermon with the perfectly laid out slide show. To me that is church, and while in theory there is nothing wrong with that — today I experienced one of the best “church services” I have ever been a part of while in the middle of a Ugandan slum, sitting in the mud underneath a tree, with fifty women who I barely know. There I was dancing and singing and praising the same God I have been praising my entire life, but in an entirely new way. It sounds kind of silly but for the first time in my life I truly realized that the same God that I have given my life to and do my best to serve everyday is the same God that these very women cling to for life. 

Our Bible study today was out of Matthew and the women discussed times in their life when they had great faith. In my own head before the ladies began sharing their stories I was trying to think of times when I have had great faith in God, and to my great disappointment I realized there really wasn't too many times when I can say I put all my trust in the Lord and had great faith. Yes I have had many moments of faith in my life… but great faith? I wasn't so sure. The women then began sharing their own personal testimonies of times when they have had great faith in God, and I was just simply blown away. They told stories of great illness and great loss. They shared about literal times when their faith in God is what kept them alive. They then began sharing about how they have great faith right now in The Lord that He will provide a new place for them to go since the Ugandan government has decided to build a highway right through the place these ladies have called home for years. 

Numerous times while I have been here I have caught myself asking God why. Why was I blessed with an amazing life in America with two loving parents, a roof over my head, and food on the table every night? I didn't do anything to deserve this life that I live, if anything the women I was spending the day with in Masese deserved that life far more than I do. Everything these women have has come at a cost, nothing here is easy for them. And now everything that they have worked so many years for is being taken away. I also ask myself how do I go back? How do I go back to living the life I live in America where I more often than not spend more money on clothes every month than these women do on food each year. I thought that having been here before, having witnessed these great levels of poverty before, would have helped. But I really don't think there is anything you can do to prepare yourself for what you see when you visit a third world country like Uganda — I don’t think these feelings go away no matter how many times you see it either.


Jesus is not an American. He did not come to save the lives of people who live life rich and comfortably. He actually came and died for the opposite— he came for the poor and the oppressed. While I may not be poor in material needs, if there is one thing I have learned while being here it is that I am however poor in spirit. After seeing what you see here I don't think you can go back home and ever be completely the same, and I think that is a good thing. But at the same time I have been reminded that I can’t feel guilty for what The Lord has blessed me with either. I just have to take those blessing and do the best that I can to use them to bless others in the name of Jesus. At first sight it may seem that I am very different from the women I raised my hands with and praised the Lord with this afternoon, but the longer I am here the more I realize how I really am not at all. We are all the same in the eyes of the Lord. We are all his people.That is why I am here. That is why I am doing my very best to serve as the hands and feet of Jesus, because He did not just die for me — he died for each and everyone of his people in America, in Uganda, and around the World.

Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart

God works in mysterious ways. I know we have all heard this saying or hopefully experienced it in our lives, but I can honestly say I have never experienced it like I have the past four days. As most of you know I left for Africa on Sunday. Why I would like to say that since the moment I boarded that plane I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life.... but that couldn't be farther from the truth. 

When I boarded my flight Sunday I expected it to be one the happiest days of my life. I was finally getting to follow my heart back to Uganda. I was finally getting to follow the plan that I felt God had been laying before me for the past two years. But in reality... it was not. The day and half of traveling to Uganda was grueling. Never in my life have I been so scared or felt so alone. Even when I got here and got to spend the day with the kids in the child care program I still felt full of anxiety and was more homesick than I have ever been in my life. I laid in bed the first and second night here and just cried and cried and cried. I won't lie... I even contemplated just packing up all my stuff and going back home. I can easily say that I was at my literal rock bottom. 

Part of me considered not telling this side of my story. For so long I have wanted to be back here. It's pretty ironic that I actually spent nights in America crying and longing to be back in Uganda, and then once I got here I wanted nothing more than to be at home again. I couldn't understand why God had called me here just for me to be so miserable. I was also upset with myself and quiet honestly with God as well. There I was proclaiming to be the hands and feet of Jesus, but yet I was trying to do things my way and in my own time. It took my Mom sending me this quote from a study aid on the book of James for my eyes to be opened to what was really going on beneath the surface. I truly believe that it took me hitting rock bottom for the Lord to be able to start using me for HIS work in HIS way and in HIS time. 

I never think that God wants us to suffer, but I do believe that he allows for the suffering in our lives to bring us closer to him. When we try to do things our own way and try to rely on the world to accomplish them we will get no where. It is only when we rely solely on God that our lives are truly enriched with his purpose and we are able to worship Him with our daily lives. 

I am happy to say that today was an amazing day. I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed and I don't know how to explain it, but it was clear that The Lord was with me. I have said this ever since I was here two years ago, but the Holy Spirit is just so alive here in Uganda. It is when I am here that I feel the presence of the Lord the strongest. I spent the day having an "intern retreat" with the five other interns here and the head of Heal Ministries (where I am working) Tina. We reflected over a book we all read before we came called "When Helping Hurts." It is a great book and I recommend it to anyone who works or is considering to work at all in the mission field. Tina then shared her beautiful testimony with us and how Heal Ministries got started, it was truly a blessing. 

I know I am still going to have hard times while I am here. I know this journey is going to be so incredibly challenging, but so incredibly rewarding at the same time. I know now that it is only when I "trust in The Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding" that I can truly be the happiest with my life and the situation I am in... whether it is here in Uganda or back home in Tennessee. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and spend the day with 50 of the most amazing and loving children that are in our child care program. I cannot wait to see the smiling faces of the women in our program who have experienced more hard times than ever imagine, and yet love God so passionately. I cannot wait to see Jesus at work another day at The James Place. 


XOXO,
Katie 

What The Lord Has Done In Me

As I sit here quietly a million thoughts run through my mind. In less than four days I will be boarding the airplane that will begin a journey that I have been planning now for two years. I have spent countless hours longing to be back in that red dirt, holding tiny brown hands, and praising the Lord in the country that has forever captured my heart. I have been so confident in what I believe is the Lord's calling for me these past many months. For so long not a single ounce of trepidation has crossed my mind... at least that is until now.

Right now I am scared. Right now I am afraid. Right now I face the kind hearted smiles and well wishes of all those who have supported me, loved me, and been on this long journey with me back to Uganda as they send me on my way. I try my best to put on my "big girl face" because what I am doing, I am doing on my own... for the first time ever. I try not to let them see the fear in my eyes or the feelings of intimidation in my voice. But the closer the day gets that I board that plane, the more I feel myself start to fail in my attempts of camouflage.

So here I am,  proclaiming that I am terrified. As I sit here quietly with these one million thoughts running through my mind I ask myself -- what have I done? Why couldn't I have just spent my summer like a normal college student? It would have been so easy to spend my summer doing what would have been simple-- to just ignore the calling I felt like the Lord was placing on my heart. But I didn't, instead I said yes. And as terrified as I am, even in my moments of doubt, I know that this next month will be one of the best of my life. 

What I am doing is in no way special. I am not doing anything spectacular, I am just following what I feel is the will of the Lord for my life. People so often ask me why on Earth would I ever want to do this. And while there are so many things I would like to say to these people, my best answer is just simply this-- I have been gifted with a grace, a love, a forgiveness that I am so underserving of -- how can I not share it with the world? When I look into the smiling faces of the children I have gone to serve every ounce of fear, every ounce of wonder, and every ounce of want for a simpler summer fades away. Why? Because in those beautiful faces I see Jesus. 

So as I sit here quietly asking myself what have I done, I remind myself that its not what I have done -- it is what Jesus has done in me. 

The One Who Made Me Who I Am Today...

July 8th 2003 was the best day of my life. It was the day that my whole life changed. It was the day that I became a big sister. Anyone who knows me probably knows that one of the biggest roles I play in life is the role of a big sister to one of the most kind, loving, greatly gifted, and Jesus loving boys I know. To say that I am so proud to be this boy's big sister is the biggest understatement in the world. So if you'll let me, I'd love to tell you a little about this not so little anymore boy.

Growing up I spent seven long years as an only child. During that time we tried and tried and tried to grow our family, but unfortunately it just never happened. I remember praying every single night that God would give me a baby brother, like somehow one would magically appear under my Christmas tree wrapped up on Christmas morning, or maybe the door bell would ring and a stork would have dropped one perfectly swaddled in a blue blanket. But no matter how hard or long I prayed... it just never happened. That was until my parents sat me down on the couch one evening with a present and the video camera in hand. I can remember it like it was yesterday -- the joy, excitement, and utter nervousness I felt while opening that bag that contained my "I am a Big Sister" T-shirt. I remember Mom and Dad asking me if I knew what it meant, and of course looking back at it now, even though I knew I was going to be a big sister I had no clue what it was going to mean to me to be that big sister. 

Another one of my favorite stories to tell is the story of how my baby sister became a baby brother. I know you're probably thinking right now "wait... what?" trust me... we all were too, but let me back up a little bit. Not long after Mom and Dad announced to me that I was going to be a big sister it was time to find out if the new baby was going to be a boy or a girl. As soon as I found out that the new baby was on the way I started praying that the baby was going to be a boy. I am not exactly sure why, but that was all that I wanted... a baby brother. When the fateful day came when they found out the sex of the baby, to say that I was heartbroken to find out it was girl is an understatement. Probably much to my parents worry, I was not okay with this -- I was determined to have a baby brother. So every night before bed I would close my eyes, fold my hands, and pray my absolute hardest that God would give us a baby boy. Time passed and we had baby showers, decorated the nursery, and were anxiously waiting for the day that the new addition to our family would arrive. It had seemed like all hope for my baby brother was lost until one afternoon Mom and I were in a minor car accident and were taken to the hospital to check on the baby. I was fine, but they decided to admit mom for observation so my Grandparents came and picked me up. The next day they drove me to the hospital to visit mom. I remember rushing up stairs to get to her room, and then to my utter surprise when I opened the door to her room tied to the foot of her bed was a single blue balloon. I instantly new what that meant, and I knew that all of my prayers had been answered. 

July 8th, 2003... the day that precious, perfect, and honest to God miracle of a baby boy was born was the best day of my life. It blows my mind that my baby brother is about to turn twelve years old, and already towers over me. Ever since the day he was born people have told me how much he is going to look up to me. I have always tried my best to be a role model for him, and while I have fallen short many of times, the older he gets the more and more I start to realize the impact I  have had on him. But more importantly, the older he gets, the more I realize how much I look up to him (physically and metaphorically) and big of an impact he has had on me. I know Nathaniel plays one of the biggest roles of making me who I am today. When I stand back today and watch him and all he accomplishes, I am just in awe of his confidence and his hardworking spirit. Whenever he is met with adversity he handles it with grace. Whenever he is met with a challenge he works his absolute hardest and conquers it. His heart is so full of just raw love for people. He would literally help anyone, he has never met a stranger, and he can bring a smile to just about anyone's face. 

 I thank God that he saw me fit to be the big sister to the magnificent little boy. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming, and I cannot wait to see what amazing things the Lord uses him to do for His kingdom.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” - 1 Timothy 4:12