God works in mysterious ways. I know we have all heard this saying or hopefully experienced it in our lives, but I can honestly say I have never experienced it like I have the past four days. As most of you know I left for Africa on Sunday. Why I would like to say that since the moment I boarded that plane I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life.... but that couldn't be farther from the truth.
When I boarded my flight Sunday I expected it to be one the happiest days of my life. I was finally getting to follow my heart back to Uganda. I was finally getting to follow the plan that I felt God had been laying before me for the past two years. But in reality... it was not. The day and half of traveling to Uganda was grueling. Never in my life have I been so scared or felt so alone. Even when I got here and got to spend the day with the kids in the child care program I still felt full of anxiety and was more homesick than I have ever been in my life. I laid in bed the first and second night here and just cried and cried and cried. I won't lie... I even contemplated just packing up all my stuff and going back home. I can easily say that I was at my literal rock bottom.
Part of me considered not telling this side of my story. For so long I have wanted to be back here. It's pretty ironic that I actually spent nights in America crying and longing to be back in Uganda, and then once I got here I wanted nothing more than to be at home again. I couldn't understand why God had called me here just for me to be so miserable. I was also upset with myself and quiet honestly with God as well. There I was proclaiming to be the hands and feet of Jesus, but yet I was trying to do things my way and in my own time. It took my Mom sending me this quote from a study aid on the book of James for my eyes to be opened to what was really going on beneath the surface. I truly believe that it took me hitting rock bottom for the Lord to be able to start using me for HIS work in HIS way and in HIS time.
I never think that God wants us to suffer, but I do believe that he allows for the suffering in our lives to bring us closer to him. When we try to do things our own way and try to rely on the world to accomplish them we will get no where. It is only when we rely solely on God that our lives are truly enriched with his purpose and we are able to worship Him with our daily lives.
I am happy to say that today was an amazing day. I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed and I don't know how to explain it, but it was clear that The Lord was with me. I have said this ever since I was here two years ago, but the Holy Spirit is just so alive here in Uganda. It is when I am here that I feel the presence of the Lord the strongest. I spent the day having an "intern retreat" with the five other interns here and the head of Heal Ministries (where I am working) Tina. We reflected over a book we all read before we came called "When Helping Hurts." It is a great book and I recommend it to anyone who works or is considering to work at all in the mission field. Tina then shared her beautiful testimony with us and how Heal Ministries got started, it was truly a blessing.
I know I am still going to have hard times while I am here. I know this journey is going to be so incredibly challenging, but so incredibly rewarding at the same time. I know now that it is only when I "trust in The Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding" that I can truly be the happiest with my life and the situation I am in... whether it is here in Uganda or back home in Tennessee. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and spend the day with 50 of the most amazing and loving children that are in our child care program. I cannot wait to see the smiling faces of the women in our program who have experienced more hard times than ever imagine, and yet love God so passionately. I cannot wait to see Jesus at work another day at The James Place.
XOXO,
Katie
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