As I sit here quietly a million thoughts run through my mind. In less than four days I will be boarding the airplane that will begin a journey that I have been planning now for two years. I have spent countless hours longing to be back in that red dirt, holding tiny brown hands, and praising the Lord in the country that has forever captured my heart. I have been so confident in what I believe is the Lord's calling for me these past many months. For so long not a single ounce of trepidation has crossed my mind... at least that is until now.
Right now I am scared. Right now I am afraid. Right now I face the kind hearted smiles and well wishes of all those who have supported me, loved me, and been on this long journey with me back to Uganda as they send me on my way. I try my best to put on my "big girl face" because what I am doing, I am doing on my own... for the first time ever. I try not to let them see the fear in my eyes or the feelings of intimidation in my voice. But the closer the day gets that I board that plane, the more I feel myself start to fail in my attempts of camouflage.
So here I am, proclaiming that I am terrified. As I sit here quietly with these one million thoughts running through my mind I ask myself -- what have I done? Why couldn't I have just spent my summer like a normal college student? It would have been so easy to spend my summer doing what would have been simple-- to just ignore the calling I felt like the Lord was placing on my heart. But I didn't, instead I said yes. And as terrified as I am, even in my moments of doubt, I know that this next month will be one of the best of my life.
What I am doing is in no way special. I am not doing anything spectacular, I am just following what I feel is the will of the Lord for my life. People so often ask me why on Earth would I ever want to do this. And while there are so many things I would like to say to these people, my best answer is just simply this-- I have been gifted with a grace, a love, a forgiveness that I am so underserving of -- how can I not share it with the world? When I look into the smiling faces of the children I have gone to serve every ounce of fear, every ounce of wonder, and every ounce of want for a simpler summer fades away. Why? Because in those beautiful faces I see Jesus.
So as I sit here quietly asking myself what have I done, I remind myself that its not what I have done -- it is what Jesus has done in me.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The One Who Made Me Who I Am Today...
July 8th 2003 was the best day of my life. It was the day that my whole life changed. It was the day that I became a big sister. Anyone who knows me probably knows that one of the biggest roles I play in life is the role of a big sister to one of the most kind, loving, greatly gifted, and Jesus loving boys I know. To say that I am so proud to be this boy's big sister is the biggest understatement in the world. So if you'll let me, I'd love to tell you a little about this not so little anymore boy.
Growing up I spent seven long years as an only child. During that time we tried and tried and tried to grow our family, but unfortunately it just never happened. I remember praying every single night that God would give me a baby brother, like somehow one would magically appear under my Christmas tree wrapped up on Christmas morning, or maybe the door bell would ring and a stork would have dropped one perfectly swaddled in a blue blanket. But no matter how hard or long I prayed... it just never happened. That was until my parents sat me down on the couch one evening with a present and the video camera in hand. I can remember it like it was yesterday -- the joy, excitement, and utter nervousness I felt while opening that bag that contained my "I am a Big Sister" T-shirt. I remember Mom and Dad asking me if I knew what it meant, and of course looking back at it now, even though I knew I was going to be a big sister I had no clue what it was going to mean to me to be that big sister.
Another one of my favorite stories to tell is the story of how my baby sister became a baby brother. I know you're probably thinking right now "wait... what?" trust me... we all were too, but let me back up a little bit. Not long after Mom and Dad announced to me that I was going to be a big sister it was time to find out if the new baby was going to be a boy or a girl. As soon as I found out that the new baby was on the way I started praying that the baby was going to be a boy. I am not exactly sure why, but that was all that I wanted... a baby brother. When the fateful day came when they found out the sex of the baby, to say that I was heartbroken to find out it was girl is an understatement. Probably much to my parents worry, I was not okay with this -- I was determined to have a baby brother. So every night before bed I would close my eyes, fold my hands, and pray my absolute hardest that God would give us a baby boy. Time passed and we had baby showers, decorated the nursery, and were anxiously waiting for the day that the new addition to our family would arrive. It had seemed like all hope for my baby brother was lost until one afternoon Mom and I were in a minor car accident and were taken to the hospital to check on the baby. I was fine, but they decided to admit mom for observation so my Grandparents came and picked me up. The next day they drove me to the hospital to visit mom. I remember rushing up stairs to get to her room, and then to my utter surprise when I opened the door to her room tied to the foot of her bed was a single blue balloon. I instantly new what that meant, and I knew that all of my prayers had been answered.
July 8th, 2003... the day that precious, perfect, and honest to God miracle of a baby boy was born was the best day of my life. It blows my mind that my baby brother is about to turn twelve years old, and already towers over me. Ever since the day he was born people have told me how much he is going to look up to me. I have always tried my best to be a role model for him, and while I have fallen short many of times, the older he gets the more and more I start to realize the impact I have had on him. But more importantly, the older he gets, the more I realize how much I look up to him (physically and metaphorically) and big of an impact he has had on me. I know Nathaniel plays one of the biggest roles of making me who I am today. When I stand back today and watch him and all he accomplishes, I am just in awe of his confidence and his hardworking spirit. Whenever he is met with adversity he handles it with grace. Whenever he is met with a challenge he works his absolute hardest and conquers it. His heart is so full of just raw love for people. He would literally help anyone, he has never met a stranger, and he can bring a smile to just about anyone's face.
I thank God that he saw me fit to be the big sister to the magnificent little boy. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming, and I cannot wait to see what amazing things the Lord uses him to do for His kingdom.
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” - 1 Timothy 4:12
Growing up I spent seven long years as an only child. During that time we tried and tried and tried to grow our family, but unfortunately it just never happened. I remember praying every single night that God would give me a baby brother, like somehow one would magically appear under my Christmas tree wrapped up on Christmas morning, or maybe the door bell would ring and a stork would have dropped one perfectly swaddled in a blue blanket. But no matter how hard or long I prayed... it just never happened. That was until my parents sat me down on the couch one evening with a present and the video camera in hand. I can remember it like it was yesterday -- the joy, excitement, and utter nervousness I felt while opening that bag that contained my "I am a Big Sister" T-shirt. I remember Mom and Dad asking me if I knew what it meant, and of course looking back at it now, even though I knew I was going to be a big sister I had no clue what it was going to mean to me to be that big sister.
Another one of my favorite stories to tell is the story of how my baby sister became a baby brother. I know you're probably thinking right now "wait... what?" trust me... we all were too, but let me back up a little bit. Not long after Mom and Dad announced to me that I was going to be a big sister it was time to find out if the new baby was going to be a boy or a girl. As soon as I found out that the new baby was on the way I started praying that the baby was going to be a boy. I am not exactly sure why, but that was all that I wanted... a baby brother. When the fateful day came when they found out the sex of the baby, to say that I was heartbroken to find out it was girl is an understatement. Probably much to my parents worry, I was not okay with this -- I was determined to have a baby brother. So every night before bed I would close my eyes, fold my hands, and pray my absolute hardest that God would give us a baby boy. Time passed and we had baby showers, decorated the nursery, and were anxiously waiting for the day that the new addition to our family would arrive. It had seemed like all hope for my baby brother was lost until one afternoon Mom and I were in a minor car accident and were taken to the hospital to check on the baby. I was fine, but they decided to admit mom for observation so my Grandparents came and picked me up. The next day they drove me to the hospital to visit mom. I remember rushing up stairs to get to her room, and then to my utter surprise when I opened the door to her room tied to the foot of her bed was a single blue balloon. I instantly new what that meant, and I knew that all of my prayers had been answered.
July 8th, 2003... the day that precious, perfect, and honest to God miracle of a baby boy was born was the best day of my life. It blows my mind that my baby brother is about to turn twelve years old, and already towers over me. Ever since the day he was born people have told me how much he is going to look up to me. I have always tried my best to be a role model for him, and while I have fallen short many of times, the older he gets the more and more I start to realize the impact I have had on him. But more importantly, the older he gets, the more I realize how much I look up to him (physically and metaphorically) and big of an impact he has had on me. I know Nathaniel plays one of the biggest roles of making me who I am today. When I stand back today and watch him and all he accomplishes, I am just in awe of his confidence and his hardworking spirit. Whenever he is met with adversity he handles it with grace. Whenever he is met with a challenge he works his absolute hardest and conquers it. His heart is so full of just raw love for people. He would literally help anyone, he has never met a stranger, and he can bring a smile to just about anyone's face.
I thank God that he saw me fit to be the big sister to the magnificent little boy. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming, and I cannot wait to see what amazing things the Lord uses him to do for His kingdom.
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” - 1 Timothy 4:12
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)