So I have a confession to make-- my heart is kind of broken. Now I know what you are thinking, no it is not because of some boy, so you can put away the pitch forks. My heart is broken because a few weeks ago I had to make the decision not to travel back to Uganda this summer. I have wanted to write an update for a long time now, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to write about it because I am truly heart broken over it. But now that it is officially summer and because I keep getting asked, I think I've got some explaining to do.
A couple months back I was sure God was calling me back to Uganda to serve this summer. It seemed like every where I looked, boom, there was something about Africa, orphans, or serving. So I begged my parents and finally got the OK to start planning. I am going to be honest, it was a rash decision and anyone who has ever had to plan a mission trip knows that it is not something that happens over night, but I had faith that if that is what the Lord wanted...it would happen. So filled with giddiness and excitment I emailed Tina Weir, the director of Heal Ministries, and got connected with a group who will be traveling to Uganda this summer. As excited as I was though, as soon as I started planning something just didn't feel right. I continued to pray about it though and started fundraising, and unfortunately things started to fall apart fairly quickly. Plans kept falling though, funding was not coming in like I was hoping for, and it was becoming evident that maybe this was not what The Lord wanted me to do. It was then after a lot of prayer and deliberation that I made the call to postpone my trip.
Ever since I made the call I have felt the pain of the gap from of the piece of my heart I left in Africa start to ache more and more. For a while, quiet honestly, I was angry. I was mad at God for allowing me to build up such false hope and for not giving me what I wanted. It was like a was a toddler whose mother had just denied them a cookie before dinner, temperamental. I just could not understand why the Lord was keeping me from doing what I felt like he had been calling me to do. It took a while, but once I finally got over my initial frustration I came to the harsh reality that it was not my time. I got over excited, jumped the gun, and took over. I made it the Katie Browning show and did not look to God for his plan. I think that there is a very fine line that we have to walk as Christians, and I know that I personally cross it often. The Lord calls us to do his work in his name, not our own work claiming it to be his. Colossians 3:17 says "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." There obviously would have been nothing wrong with me going and serving this summer. It would have been in the name of the Lord and his light and love would have been shined, but it would not have been in God's timing. I personally believe that because God has given his people the power of free will that we always have two options: our timing or God's timing. When we choose our timing we can still do good things, but not as perfectly as we can do them when it is in God's time. "The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord" Lamentations 3:25-16. Our culture today tells us to do things now now now and it makes it hard to wait, but I do think there is some truth in the saying "good things come to those who wait."
So now... I am waiting. Although I was upset in the beginning-- I am slowly started to understand. As hard as it is going to be to stay away from my friends and the little brown hands that captured my heart, I know it is for the best. I can feel the Lord tugging on my heart and starting to put plans into action. Looking back now, I think it took me failing to plan this one trip to be able to prepare myself for something much greater to come. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord is calling me back to Africa, but this time I am going to let it be in his time. So I am started to plan work for next summer. I am hoping that instead of traveling short term like I have previously done, that I can instead stay and work for the whole summer. Nothing is set in stone, and at this point it is all only ideas. I am filled with a peace and a knowing though that the Lord is at work here.
I just want to thank everyone who has supported me and has been helping me chase this crazy heart of mine. Although things are not turning out like I originally planned, I know that it is all for the best. I also know that there is no way I could ever do any kind of mission work if it wasn't for all the love I have received from all of you. I ask that you please continue to keep me in your prayers, because there is nothing like the power of prayer. I love you all.
XOXO,
Katie
