Wednesday June 10, 2015
Jesus is not an American… okay I know what an obvious statement right? But today as I sat under a tree in a slum in Uganda while listening to women who have seen more heart ache than I could ever imagine praise Jesus with every ounce of their being, that simple fact hit me smack dab in the middle of the face. Growing up in America I have been extremely blessed to be surrounded by Jesus my entire life. I wake up every Sunday morning and put on a nice pretty church dress and drive to my nice big fancy church building and act just the right way and sing just the right songs and pay attention to the perfectly timed sermon with the perfectly laid out slide show. To me that is church, and while in theory there is nothing wrong with that — today I experienced one of the best “church services” I have ever been a part of while in the middle of a Ugandan slum, sitting in the mud underneath a tree, with fifty women who I barely know. There I was dancing and singing and praising the same God I have been praising my entire life, but in an entirely new way. It sounds kind of silly but for the first time in my life I truly realized that the same God that I have given my life to and do my best to serve everyday is the same God that these very women cling to for life.
Our Bible study today was out of Matthew and the women discussed times in their life when they had great faith. In my own head before the ladies began sharing their stories I was trying to think of times when I have had great faith in God, and to my great disappointment I realized there really wasn't too many times when I can say I put all my trust in the Lord and had great faith. Yes I have had many moments of faith in my life… but great faith? I wasn't so sure. The women then began sharing their own personal testimonies of times when they have had great faith in God, and I was just simply blown away. They told stories of great illness and great loss. They shared about literal times when their faith in God is what kept them alive. They then began sharing about how they have great faith right now in The Lord that He will provide a new place for them to go since the Ugandan government has decided to build a highway right through the place these ladies have called home for years.
Numerous times while I have been here I have caught myself asking God why. Why was I blessed with an amazing life in America with two loving parents, a roof over my head, and food on the table every night? I didn't do anything to deserve this life that I live, if anything the women I was spending the day with in Masese deserved that life far more than I do. Everything these women have has come at a cost, nothing here is easy for them. And now everything that they have worked so many years for is being taken away. I also ask myself how do I go back? How do I go back to living the life I live in America where I more often than not spend more money on clothes every month than these women do on food each year. I thought that having been here before, having witnessed these great levels of poverty before, would have helped. But I really don't think there is anything you can do to prepare yourself for what you see when you visit a third world country like Uganda — I don’t think these feelings go away no matter how many times you see it either.
Jesus is not an American. He did not come to save the lives of people who live life rich and comfortably. He actually came and died for the opposite— he came for the poor and the oppressed. While I may not be poor in material needs, if there is one thing I have learned while being here it is that I am however poor in spirit. After seeing what you see here I don't think you can go back home and ever be completely the same, and I think that is a good thing. But at the same time I have been reminded that I can’t feel guilty for what The Lord has blessed me with either. I just have to take those blessing and do the best that I can to use them to bless others in the name of Jesus. At first sight it may seem that I am very different from the women I raised my hands with and praised the Lord with this afternoon, but the longer I am here the more I realize how I really am not at all. We are all the same in the eyes of the Lord. We are all his people.That is why I am here. That is why I am doing my very best to serve as the hands and feet of Jesus, because He did not just die for me — he died for each and everyone of his people in America, in Uganda, and around the World.
God works in mysterious ways. I know we have all heard this saying or hopefully experienced it in our lives, but I can honestly say I have never experienced it like I have the past four days. As most of you know I left for Africa on Sunday. Why I would like to say that since the moment I boarded that plane I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life.... but that couldn't be farther from the truth.
When I boarded my flight Sunday I expected it to be one the happiest days of my life. I was finally getting to follow my heart back to Uganda. I was finally getting to follow the plan that I felt God had been laying before me for the past two years. But in reality... it was not. The day and half of traveling to Uganda was grueling. Never in my life have I been so scared or felt so alone. Even when I got here and got to spend the day with the kids in the child care program I still felt full of anxiety and was more homesick than I have ever been in my life. I laid in bed the first and second night here and just cried and cried and cried. I won't lie... I even contemplated just packing up all my stuff and going back home. I can easily say that I was at my literal rock bottom.
Part of me considered not telling this side of my story. For so long I have wanted to be back here. It's pretty ironic that I actually spent nights in America crying and longing to be back in Uganda, and then once I got here I wanted nothing more than to be at home again. I couldn't understand why God had called me here just for me to be so miserable. I was also upset with myself and quiet honestly with God as well. There I was proclaiming to be the hands and feet of Jesus, but yet I was trying to do things my way and in my own time. It took my Mom sending me this quote from a study aid on the book of James for my eyes to be opened to what was really going on beneath the surface. I truly believe that it took me hitting rock bottom for the Lord to be able to start using me for HIS work in HIS way and in HIS time.
I never think that God wants us to suffer, but I do believe that he allows for the suffering in our lives to bring us closer to him. When we try to do things our own way and try to rely on the world to accomplish them we will get no where. It is only when we rely solely on God that our lives are truly enriched with his purpose and we are able to worship Him with our daily lives.
I am happy to say that today was an amazing day. I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed and I don't know how to explain it, but it was clear that The Lord was with me. I have said this ever since I was here two years ago, but the Holy Spirit is just so alive here in Uganda. It is when I am here that I feel the presence of the Lord the strongest. I spent the day having an "intern retreat" with the five other interns here and the head of Heal Ministries (where I am working) Tina. We reflected over a book we all read before we came called "When Helping Hurts." It is a great book and I recommend it to anyone who works or is considering to work at all in the mission field. Tina then shared her beautiful testimony with us and how Heal Ministries got started, it was truly a blessing.
I know I am still going to have hard times while I am here. I know this journey is going to be so incredibly challenging, but so incredibly rewarding at the same time. I know now that it is only when I "trust in The Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding" that I can truly be the happiest with my life and the situation I am in... whether it is here in Uganda or back home in Tennessee. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and spend the day with 50 of the most amazing and loving children that are in our child care program. I cannot wait to see the smiling faces of the women in our program who have experienced more hard times than ever imagine, and yet love God so passionately. I cannot wait to see Jesus at work another day at The James Place.
XOXO,
Katie
