A Little Bit of Faith

Today has been a hard day. I can’t quite explain why, but this morning I woke up with the strongest longing. No matter what I do I can’t get one little face out of my mind… Faith. Anyone who has talked to me since I have gotten home from Uganda, or anyone who has even glanced at my Instagram, knows Faith already. She quickly captured my heart during my five weeks in Africa, and still hasn’t let go. I can close my eyes now and still see the way her eyes would light up when she would see me first thing in the morning. I can picture her starting to running towards me with her arms spread wide, yelling “Auntie Kate” while jumping into my arms. I can hear her say “Auntie Kate you see” as she would jump from the side of the sand box and land flat into the the sand. I can see her smile as I would push her on the swing and then threaten to tickle her belly as she giggled uncontrollably. I can still hear her whisper “Auntie Kate loves me” before she would leave to go home at the end of each day. 

As I sit here and remember Faithy I am reminded of my relationship with Jesus. Here is a little secret...Faith wasn’t always my best friend at the James Place. While I fell in love with her at first sight, her affection for me took some time. You see, Faith reminds me of myself in so many ways. She is so stubborn and so determined to do things her on way, she is slow to trust, and is about as spoiled as a little girl can be. Like Faith, when it comes to my relationship with Jesus, I am so stubborn. At times it so hard for me to be patient. I know that everything is good and perfect in his own timing but I so often just want to do things in my own time and in my own way. I too am slow to trust the Lord more often than not. I constantly have to be reminded that even if I can’t see it now, He has a plan and He loves me. And I too am about as spoiled as a girl can be. Jesus has blessed me with a life far greater than I ever could deserve, and I take that for granted way too often. It is when I think about this love that I have for Faithy that I truly am reminded of the relentless love that Jesus has for me. 

Since I have left Uganda there have been many good days, and many bad days. I haven’t been quite able to talk about much of my time there yet. But my feet aren’t stained red from the dirt anymore, I no longer have bug bites covering my ankles, and I am finally beginning to realize… I am not in Africa anymore. As hard as some days have been, it’s the memories like these ones I have shared with you about Faithy that make each day a little bit better. It may take some time, but I can’t wait to share even more of these memories with the people who allowed me to experience them. 

XOXO,
Katie 

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Jesus is not an American

 

Wednesday June  10, 2015

Jesus is not an American… okay I know what an obvious statement right? But today as I sat under a tree in a slum in Uganda while listening to women who have seen more heart ache than I could ever imagine praise Jesus with every ounce of their being, that simple fact  hit me smack dab in the middle of the face. Growing up in America I have been extremely blessed to be surrounded by Jesus my entire life. I wake up every Sunday morning and put on a nice pretty church dress and drive to my nice big fancy church building and act just the right way and sing just the right songs and pay attention to the perfectly timed sermon with the perfectly laid out slide show. To me that is church, and while in theory there is nothing wrong with that — today I experienced one of the best “church services” I have ever been a part of while in the middle of a Ugandan slum, sitting in the mud underneath a tree, with fifty women who I barely know. There I was dancing and singing and praising the same God I have been praising my entire life, but in an entirely new way. It sounds kind of silly but for the first time in my life I truly realized that the same God that I have given my life to and do my best to serve everyday is the same God that these very women cling to for life. 

Our Bible study today was out of Matthew and the women discussed times in their life when they had great faith. In my own head before the ladies began sharing their stories I was trying to think of times when I have had great faith in God, and to my great disappointment I realized there really wasn't too many times when I can say I put all my trust in the Lord and had great faith. Yes I have had many moments of faith in my life… but great faith? I wasn't so sure. The women then began sharing their own personal testimonies of times when they have had great faith in God, and I was just simply blown away. They told stories of great illness and great loss. They shared about literal times when their faith in God is what kept them alive. They then began sharing about how they have great faith right now in The Lord that He will provide a new place for them to go since the Ugandan government has decided to build a highway right through the place these ladies have called home for years. 

Numerous times while I have been here I have caught myself asking God why. Why was I blessed with an amazing life in America with two loving parents, a roof over my head, and food on the table every night? I didn't do anything to deserve this life that I live, if anything the women I was spending the day with in Masese deserved that life far more than I do. Everything these women have has come at a cost, nothing here is easy for them. And now everything that they have worked so many years for is being taken away. I also ask myself how do I go back? How do I go back to living the life I live in America where I more often than not spend more money on clothes every month than these women do on food each year. I thought that having been here before, having witnessed these great levels of poverty before, would have helped. But I really don't think there is anything you can do to prepare yourself for what you see when you visit a third world country like Uganda — I don’t think these feelings go away no matter how many times you see it either.


Jesus is not an American. He did not come to save the lives of people who live life rich and comfortably. He actually came and died for the opposite— he came for the poor and the oppressed. While I may not be poor in material needs, if there is one thing I have learned while being here it is that I am however poor in spirit. After seeing what you see here I don't think you can go back home and ever be completely the same, and I think that is a good thing. But at the same time I have been reminded that I can’t feel guilty for what The Lord has blessed me with either. I just have to take those blessing and do the best that I can to use them to bless others in the name of Jesus. At first sight it may seem that I am very different from the women I raised my hands with and praised the Lord with this afternoon, but the longer I am here the more I realize how I really am not at all. We are all the same in the eyes of the Lord. We are all his people.That is why I am here. That is why I am doing my very best to serve as the hands and feet of Jesus, because He did not just die for me — he died for each and everyone of his people in America, in Uganda, and around the World.

Trust In The Lord With All Your Heart

God works in mysterious ways. I know we have all heard this saying or hopefully experienced it in our lives, but I can honestly say I have never experienced it like I have the past four days. As most of you know I left for Africa on Sunday. Why I would like to say that since the moment I boarded that plane I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life.... but that couldn't be farther from the truth. 

When I boarded my flight Sunday I expected it to be one the happiest days of my life. I was finally getting to follow my heart back to Uganda. I was finally getting to follow the plan that I felt God had been laying before me for the past two years. But in reality... it was not. The day and half of traveling to Uganda was grueling. Never in my life have I been so scared or felt so alone. Even when I got here and got to spend the day with the kids in the child care program I still felt full of anxiety and was more homesick than I have ever been in my life. I laid in bed the first and second night here and just cried and cried and cried. I won't lie... I even contemplated just packing up all my stuff and going back home. I can easily say that I was at my literal rock bottom. 

Part of me considered not telling this side of my story. For so long I have wanted to be back here. It's pretty ironic that I actually spent nights in America crying and longing to be back in Uganda, and then once I got here I wanted nothing more than to be at home again. I couldn't understand why God had called me here just for me to be so miserable. I was also upset with myself and quiet honestly with God as well. There I was proclaiming to be the hands and feet of Jesus, but yet I was trying to do things my way and in my own time. It took my Mom sending me this quote from a study aid on the book of James for my eyes to be opened to what was really going on beneath the surface. I truly believe that it took me hitting rock bottom for the Lord to be able to start using me for HIS work in HIS way and in HIS time. 

I never think that God wants us to suffer, but I do believe that he allows for the suffering in our lives to bring us closer to him. When we try to do things our own way and try to rely on the world to accomplish them we will get no where. It is only when we rely solely on God that our lives are truly enriched with his purpose and we are able to worship Him with our daily lives. 

I am happy to say that today was an amazing day. I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed and I don't know how to explain it, but it was clear that The Lord was with me. I have said this ever since I was here two years ago, but the Holy Spirit is just so alive here in Uganda. It is when I am here that I feel the presence of the Lord the strongest. I spent the day having an "intern retreat" with the five other interns here and the head of Heal Ministries (where I am working) Tina. We reflected over a book we all read before we came called "When Helping Hurts." It is a great book and I recommend it to anyone who works or is considering to work at all in the mission field. Tina then shared her beautiful testimony with us and how Heal Ministries got started, it was truly a blessing. 

I know I am still going to have hard times while I am here. I know this journey is going to be so incredibly challenging, but so incredibly rewarding at the same time. I know now that it is only when I "trust in The Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding" that I can truly be the happiest with my life and the situation I am in... whether it is here in Uganda or back home in Tennessee. I cannot wait to wake up in the morning and spend the day with 50 of the most amazing and loving children that are in our child care program. I cannot wait to see the smiling faces of the women in our program who have experienced more hard times than ever imagine, and yet love God so passionately. I cannot wait to see Jesus at work another day at The James Place. 


XOXO,
Katie 

What The Lord Has Done In Me

As I sit here quietly a million thoughts run through my mind. In less than four days I will be boarding the airplane that will begin a journey that I have been planning now for two years. I have spent countless hours longing to be back in that red dirt, holding tiny brown hands, and praising the Lord in the country that has forever captured my heart. I have been so confident in what I believe is the Lord's calling for me these past many months. For so long not a single ounce of trepidation has crossed my mind... at least that is until now.

Right now I am scared. Right now I am afraid. Right now I face the kind hearted smiles and well wishes of all those who have supported me, loved me, and been on this long journey with me back to Uganda as they send me on my way. I try my best to put on my "big girl face" because what I am doing, I am doing on my own... for the first time ever. I try not to let them see the fear in my eyes or the feelings of intimidation in my voice. But the closer the day gets that I board that plane, the more I feel myself start to fail in my attempts of camouflage.

So here I am,  proclaiming that I am terrified. As I sit here quietly with these one million thoughts running through my mind I ask myself -- what have I done? Why couldn't I have just spent my summer like a normal college student? It would have been so easy to spend my summer doing what would have been simple-- to just ignore the calling I felt like the Lord was placing on my heart. But I didn't, instead I said yes. And as terrified as I am, even in my moments of doubt, I know that this next month will be one of the best of my life. 

What I am doing is in no way special. I am not doing anything spectacular, I am just following what I feel is the will of the Lord for my life. People so often ask me why on Earth would I ever want to do this. And while there are so many things I would like to say to these people, my best answer is just simply this-- I have been gifted with a grace, a love, a forgiveness that I am so underserving of -- how can I not share it with the world? When I look into the smiling faces of the children I have gone to serve every ounce of fear, every ounce of wonder, and every ounce of want for a simpler summer fades away. Why? Because in those beautiful faces I see Jesus. 

So as I sit here quietly asking myself what have I done, I remind myself that its not what I have done -- it is what Jesus has done in me. 

The One Who Made Me Who I Am Today...

July 8th 2003 was the best day of my life. It was the day that my whole life changed. It was the day that I became a big sister. Anyone who knows me probably knows that one of the biggest roles I play in life is the role of a big sister to one of the most kind, loving, greatly gifted, and Jesus loving boys I know. To say that I am so proud to be this boy's big sister is the biggest understatement in the world. So if you'll let me, I'd love to tell you a little about this not so little anymore boy.

Growing up I spent seven long years as an only child. During that time we tried and tried and tried to grow our family, but unfortunately it just never happened. I remember praying every single night that God would give me a baby brother, like somehow one would magically appear under my Christmas tree wrapped up on Christmas morning, or maybe the door bell would ring and a stork would have dropped one perfectly swaddled in a blue blanket. But no matter how hard or long I prayed... it just never happened. That was until my parents sat me down on the couch one evening with a present and the video camera in hand. I can remember it like it was yesterday -- the joy, excitement, and utter nervousness I felt while opening that bag that contained my "I am a Big Sister" T-shirt. I remember Mom and Dad asking me if I knew what it meant, and of course looking back at it now, even though I knew I was going to be a big sister I had no clue what it was going to mean to me to be that big sister. 

Another one of my favorite stories to tell is the story of how my baby sister became a baby brother. I know you're probably thinking right now "wait... what?" trust me... we all were too, but let me back up a little bit. Not long after Mom and Dad announced to me that I was going to be a big sister it was time to find out if the new baby was going to be a boy or a girl. As soon as I found out that the new baby was on the way I started praying that the baby was going to be a boy. I am not exactly sure why, but that was all that I wanted... a baby brother. When the fateful day came when they found out the sex of the baby, to say that I was heartbroken to find out it was girl is an understatement. Probably much to my parents worry, I was not okay with this -- I was determined to have a baby brother. So every night before bed I would close my eyes, fold my hands, and pray my absolute hardest that God would give us a baby boy. Time passed and we had baby showers, decorated the nursery, and were anxiously waiting for the day that the new addition to our family would arrive. It had seemed like all hope for my baby brother was lost until one afternoon Mom and I were in a minor car accident and were taken to the hospital to check on the baby. I was fine, but they decided to admit mom for observation so my Grandparents came and picked me up. The next day they drove me to the hospital to visit mom. I remember rushing up stairs to get to her room, and then to my utter surprise when I opened the door to her room tied to the foot of her bed was a single blue balloon. I instantly new what that meant, and I knew that all of my prayers had been answered. 

July 8th, 2003... the day that precious, perfect, and honest to God miracle of a baby boy was born was the best day of my life. It blows my mind that my baby brother is about to turn twelve years old, and already towers over me. Ever since the day he was born people have told me how much he is going to look up to me. I have always tried my best to be a role model for him, and while I have fallen short many of times, the older he gets the more and more I start to realize the impact I  have had on him. But more importantly, the older he gets, the more I realize how much I look up to him (physically and metaphorically) and big of an impact he has had on me. I know Nathaniel plays one of the biggest roles of making me who I am today. When I stand back today and watch him and all he accomplishes, I am just in awe of his confidence and his hardworking spirit. Whenever he is met with adversity he handles it with grace. Whenever he is met with a challenge he works his absolute hardest and conquers it. His heart is so full of just raw love for people. He would literally help anyone, he has never met a stranger, and he can bring a smile to just about anyone's face. 

 I thank God that he saw me fit to be the big sister to the magnificent little boy. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming, and I cannot wait to see what amazing things the Lord uses him to do for His kingdom.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” - 1 Timothy 4:12 

Four hundred and eighty days later...

Four hundred and eighty days ago my life was forever changed when I stepped foot on Ugandan soil for the first time. Four hundred and seventy days ago my heart was broken when I came back home to the United States. Forty-seven days ago all my prayers were answered when I got the email saying that my application has been accepted to be an intern for Heal Ministries during the summer of 2015. In about two hundred and twenty-six days I am finally going back…

Do you ever wish God worked like a magic eight ball? I know this may sound like a silly question, but man do I feel like life would be so much easier if I could just ask God a question and then -poof- my answer would magically appear right in front of my face. Well, in case you did not already know, that isn't quite how this whole prayer thing works. As most of you know I have had one thing at the center of my heart, mind, and prayers for over a year now —Uganda. The ten days I spent there during the summer of 2013 were the absolute best days of my life, and I have been anxiously waiting to be able to return since the minuet I stepped foot back in the United States. 
If it had been up to me, I would have been to Uganda and back half a dozen times by now, but it hasn't been. The biggest lesson I have learned since returning home from my mission trip is how the Lord uses us for HIS plan in HIS timing. For so long I have known that God was going to continue to use me to serve his people in Africa, but how and when has been the biggest question. I am impatient. When I get an idea in my head I like to make it happen, but The Lord however doesn't work according to my silly plans. So I have waited, and I have prayed for the day when I would know with all my heart that he was ready to call me back to Africa, and I am so ecstatic to finally be able to share with you friends that THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME!! 

During the summer of 2015 I will be working as an intern for Heal Ministries in Uganda at The James Place for a period of about six weeks. For those of you who do not know, I spent time with Heal during my last trip to Uganda and absolutely fell in love. The spirit of The Lord is alive at The James Place and it is more than evident that God is using Heal Ministries to bring the light and love of Jesus Christ to the people of Uganda. Heal Ministries serves the women and children of Jinja, Uganda by providing Christ centered programs that give women opportunities to learn so they can provide for their families. In Uganda there are very few job opportunities for women other than prostitution and brewing beer. By providing these women with English classes and business classes they become eligible to work much safer jobs that also pay more. In addition to taking the English and business classes the women are also required to take a Bible course that shows them how truly valuable they are not only in our eyes at Heal Ministries, but most importantly in the eyes of The Lord. The James Place also provides childcare and preschool for the children of the women of the program. Without child care these women would have no way to attend their classes nor have a job. Lastly, The James Place hosts a Kids Club every week for the children from the surrounding areas as a way to shower them with the love of Jesus while also providing them with a safe environment and some food. For more information please check out 
http://www.Heal-Ministries.org God answers prayers. If there was just one thing I could share with you today it is that. God is faithful and he knows the desires of our heart, but at the same time he knows what is best for our lives and how we can best serve him and his people. And if we let him — he will use us all for amazing things. It is far from easy opening your heart fully to The Lord, but hear me when I say friends— it is so so worth it. I am so thankful that The Lord is using me to serve his people on the other side of the world. I am so humbled to know that He is using me to do such amazing things in his name. But I am even more humbled by what he has done in my heart through the process of leading me back to Uganda. I still have a long way to go, not only in time but also in preparation for my trip. There are a lot of unknowns when it comes to how I am going to pay to get there and my safety and health once I am there. Im not going to lie — I'm scared. But I have faith. I have faith that the Lord will provide and that he has a plan. 

The Bible says in Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” I asked the Lord to bring me back to Uganda, and he answered. Now I am asking again for the Lord to provide. I am also asking for your help. I need your prayers. I ask that you pray for Heal Ministries and their work at The James Place. I ask that you pray for my parents, because I know this is so not easy for them to let me do. But oh how I am thankful for their love and support, they truly are amazing. I ask that you pray that provision to pay for my trip comes. For me personally the hardest part about going on a mission trip is asking for help to get there. Unfortunately mission trips are not free, they are actually insanely expensive, and I cannot pay for it on my own. I do not like asking for help, and The Lord is definitely using this experience to humble my heart and teach me that sometimes you just can’t do it on your own. So this is me asking for help once again. If you feel like my mission is something you think God is nudging you to help support I am so so very thankful. I am collecting funds that will all go towards my airline ticket and cost of living while in Africa. I am also selling the most GORGEOUS beaded necklaces made by the women in Africa as a way to provide for their families. I am also willing to do any work I can to earn money to pay for my trip, so if there is anything I can do for you please let me know. Feel free to call, text, email, or Facebook me. I will post all my information down below! Lastly, I ask that you just simply pray for me and my trip. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord will use me for great things while I am in Jinja, and I can not wait to find out what those great things are. 

Thank you all for your continued love, support, and prayers. I am so excited to begin this journey once again and I cannot wait to finally have my toes in that red dirt once again. 

XOXO, 
Katie 



Facebook- Katie Browning
Cell Phone- 615-322-1536
Email- abrow159@vols.utk.edu 

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I am Your's, and You are mine.

Who am I? This is a question that continuously seems to follow me as I go throughout life. Over a year ago I asked myself this exact question, and I began spilling my heart out on this little thing I call a blog. I know that the Lord is constantly forming me into the young woman he wants me to be, however, so often I catch myself veering off that path and running into situations that change me --and not always for what seems like the better. A year ago I wrote about how when I ask myself "who am I" my answer is that I am His. Today I was reminded of those words when I went to this amazing service in Knoxville called Crossroads. We talked about conformed thinking versus transformed thinking over the topic of how we see ourselves. In today's culture we are pushed to be our own person. We are constantly told that we are who we are and that we need to live our own lives based on who we want to be. As important as it is not to be conformed to the ways of world, that is just not enough. We can not just simply not conform to the world, we must also be transformed -- transformed by the love of Jesus. Romans 12:3 says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing, and perfect will." We can not be just who we are, because who we are is just a bunch of sinners. 

Without Jesus I am nothing more than a girl who messes up countless times everyday. I am a liar, I am a cheater, I am mean, I am ugly. I know that without the love of Jesus my life has no point. I could live my life for myself. I could do what I want to do when I want to do it, and not hold myself accountable for my actions. And to be quite honest... there have been many times in my life when that has been the case. I'll be the first to tell you however that living life that way is just empty. That is why I have chosen not to live my life for myself, I have instead chosen to give it back to the Lord. And as scary as it is, I found that the best times of my life have been when I have thrown myself down at the foot of the cross and given myself completely to him. Yes sometimes I still stumble and veer away from the path that the Lord has laid before me, but somehow he always leads me back and welcomes me with open arms. 

Galatians 2:20 says "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  I know I am still going to mess up a lot. I know that I am not always going to understand why the Lord is leading me in certain ways, but I know that as long as that I am living my life for him it will be beautiful. 

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways, I couldn't even begin to tell you. But I will tell you this.. there are some really really cool things that He is starting to reveal to me. There has been a prayer that I have been praying for years, and every time the Lord has told me not yet. I am excited to say however that the Lord has finally answered my prayer, and I can not wait to be able to share this exciting news with you all. I ask for your continues prayers and am thankful for all the love and support. I love you all so much. 

My first ever blog I ended with a quote from the song "Who am I" by Casting Crowns. Tonight I want to end with another song that never fails to remind me just who I am. 

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine" 

- Oceans by Hillsong 

XOXO, 

Katie